The Alcohol Free Social Life!

You may be at a point in your life when enough is enough with alcohol. You may have been drinking too much for years or are only now becoming aware that you are starting to drink to excess and you are not enjoying the effects. Whatever the reasons the first thing is to decide to stop drinking.

This can often be the most difficult decision to make. How do you decide to stop doing something which it seems impossible to live without? Won’t your life become totally boring? Won’t your friends think you are weird and just leave you? Won’t you become too stressed and not able to relax? 

Well, this kind of thinking is what will probably get you reaching for another drink! So, instead of facing a lifetime without alcohol how about taking it for the next 30 days? So for a month no drinking. Although it is a challenge it is not as much of a challenge that you cannot do it and you have some reasons to give to your friends etc - ‘I am training for the 10k run etc’

 So, first step decide to go 30 days without drinking. So you now need to plan how are you going to achieve this goal and what are you going to do instead?

Firstly, do a drinking inventory for the last 30 days. Where do you usually drink? With whom? And why? Is it boredom, loneliness, stress of work, for fun, because you feel you have to - e.g. with colleagues especially senior colleagues etc.

What are you going to do for the next 30 days instead? So if you usually go out on Friday nights with your friends it might be worth doing something completely different instead. Go out hiking or on a trip or meet other friends elsewhere where there is no booze. Whatever you can think of.

Then what are you going to do instead? Variety is essential. The best thing is movement - dance, fitness, exercise classes or going for a run instead of when you usually drink. Perhaps start some classes like a language things you have been missing up on. Or family visit family members you haven’t seen in a while or even spend more time with your children or grandchildren if you have them. 

Now for physical cravings? See your doctor if it gets too tough as he or she might advise some medication or gradual reduction rather than going to zero. Otherwise use things like EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique www.emofree.com) and other ways of dealing with the symptoms. One of the best things is to distract your mind, either through exercise or something else. If you can do more things you have never done before your mind will be too busy to worry about alcohol.

 Best of all is to start working on the reasons you drank too much in the first place - especially focusing on your negative thoughts. Dr. David Burns’ book Ten Days to Great Self-Esteem is a good place to start as this is based on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy a way of becoming aware of your negative thoughts and then talking back to them.

Once you do all of these steps, you will really start to make a change and hopefully reach 30 days without drinking. Once you do that you can decide whether or not you want to continue.

 Now a lot of this information has come from my course the Alcohol Free Social Life which you can find at www.alcoholfreesociallife.com and in particular the Moderation Management book which is used in clinical settings to help people reduce their intake of alcohol and take control of their drinking.

Please visit the site to download your copy today and really start being able to quit drinking once and for all!

 Rahul

Now not everyone wants to give up alcohol forever but this story taken from The Guardian newspaper in the UK in December 2006 has some very good lessons about why we drink and what might happen if we stopped or cut down:

The story of this young lady, a 26 year old syndication executive living in London who gave up alcohol two years ago

“I used to wake up exhausted every Saturday and every Sunday morning because I had been drinking, and I was starting to think: why do I do this to myself? Is it something I really enjoy? And then I was put on some medication for a month, which meant I couldn’t drink.

It was hard at first, because I was determined not to change my social life. So I still went out at weekends and got home at 6am, but I discovered that I could wake up at lunchtime and instead of feeling awful all afternoon, I felt fine and could get on with everything I wanted to do. So after the month was up I thought: why don’t I just carry on? And then, when I got to six months, I felt really proud of myself and thought, “I can do this - it’s a real achievement”.

One of my big worries has been what other people will think of me: no one wants to be thought dull and boring. I usually wait until I know someone a bit before I tell them I don’t drink, so they don’t make any assumptions about the sort of person I am. But on the whole I’ve discovered that the people you’re out in the pub with don’t really notice that you’re not drinking: you’re aware of it, but they’re not.

One fallout from my decision to stop drinking has been that I have lost about a stone in weight. I wasn’t overweight, but I am very pleased to have got slimmer: and it is definitely not because I eat less, because I really do enjoy my food! The other thing I have noticed is that I feel more robust in myself, and I don’t pick up every little bug and cold going round, though I don’t know whether or not that is related to not drinking.

The office party - it’s our Christmas one tonight - is always one occasion when I’m really happy that I don’t drink. I always used to have that worry the next morning that I had said the wrong thing to my boss or something when I’d had too many glasses of wine: now I know that, whether or not it is the middle of the night at a party, I’m always the real me, not someone who is in a bit of an alcoholic haze saying stupid things. In that sense it has made me feel a lot more confident about myself.”

This is a great story and if you read the start again, look at the questions she asked herself. Talent is asking the right questions. “Why do I do this to myself? Is it something I really enjoy?”

Ask yourself similar questions to this young lady and you will start to get similar results to her. Plus she lost a stone (14 lb) in weight! Who would like this side-effect?

In order for you to quickly and easily enjoy the same benefits and take control of your drinking (even if you don’t want to give up forever) please visit http://www.alcoholfreesociallife.com/main.htm and look at ordering the course which is changing lives around the world!

All the best,

Rahul

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We all know it - Christmas and the New Year period can be especially tempting to lose control and really enjoy ourselves. This means drinking lots of alcohol and of course the side-effects of being drunk and hung over.

 Surely you must be the most boring person in the city if you don’t drink and take part in the festivities? Says WHO? Who has the right to categorise you as the most boring person on the planet, let alone the city.

Until you make the decision as to what YOU will find interesting and fun versus downright childish and stupid, you are a prisoner or a sheep in a herd. It also means you are definitely not in control of your life. If you are not in control of your life - I mean here emotions, decisions and lifestyle choices then you will I am guessing almost certainly suffer from self-esteem issues, unhappiness and maybe anxiety and depression. I believe the more control we have over our lives, the better we feel about ourselves and our lives.

Anyway, back at the party circuit you might have drinks and parties with friends, work colleagues, family, school etc. So how do you decide what you will go to and what you won’t and especially how much you will drink.

You have to be a bit boring by planning in advance. You think these are Christmas parties you are going on with the intention not to drink, no this is a military operation to be planned in advance and obviously improvise as needed. First ask yourself what do you want? To have a great time, enjoy the party. So how can you do these things with just one or two drinks. E.g. if it is to meet a new girl or boyfriend, how can you do this without alcohol? Or if it is to feel loved by your partner, the same again. Etc etc. Whatever you really want which makes you feel great, how can you achieve this without getting drunk.

 Too many times people have very limited strategies saying that the only way I can really show my love and appreciation for my friends, partners or family is by drinking with them and drinking heavily. That is flawed plus you are mindreading that every single person won;t like you or will think you are insulting them by not drinking.

The more strategies (the technical term) or better said options the better. Also how about doing this? Saying this Christmas for a change I am going to do something different - no drinking at all or only two drinks per night etc - you can always go back to it next year etc. If you decide this, your military planning must come in as to how you will achieve this. That is upto you to make sure you only stick to this. Do whatever it takes - e.g. booking a cab home early or going to the alcohol free cafe after the party etc

 And finally here is a new idea I had never considered before. This girl I met recently told me she spends her Christmas week including Christmas day volunteering at one of the homeless shelters here in London. Apparently she really enjoys it and it gives her a great feeling of giving something back. How about doing something like this and the early starts might be an excuse not to be able to drink a lot or go out that much etc.

Whatever you decide to do hope you have a great and safe Christmas and New Year!

Rahul

If you have started to drink too much and hate the feelings you get the next day, you might consider going on an alcohol detox.

 This means, you cut out and then cut down alcohol for a set period of time. I would say two weeks is a good period if you are currently drinking more than two or three times per week. The goal is for you to allow your body a bit of time and space to recover.

 First up, if you have been drinking really heavily and feel physical symptoms of not drinking such as shaking etc. check it out with your doctor. If you have a physical addiction to alcohol, then you might need to wean yourself off gradually.

So, alcohol detox. First thing is to prepare. Second thing is to prepare. And the third thing? You need to decide what you want out of the two weeks and what you are going to do on each day instead of reaching for a drink or doing what you regularly do.

 Also be sure to drink plenty of water. Apparently distilled water is the best water to drink but 6-8 glasses of water will be good. Work out where and when you usually drink and also why you drink. Then do something different in these circumstances. E.g. if you usually go out with everyone from work on a certain night, don’t.

 Try and put in some new activities. In particular physical exercise and dancing in particular is great. Something different. Also, meeting your friends you haven’t seen for a while or new people in an environment where there isn’t much alcohol is great.

If you don’t have people to meet, goto www.meetup.com and wherever you are in the world will be a group for you to go to or you can start one yourself!

So, you have now planned for your detox. What obstacles might come in the way? Is it other people ‘forcing’ you to drink, are you worried you might feel out of place? For two weeks you can either avoid these situations in advance by planning something else or work out how you are going to deal with them now rather than when you are there and you feel under pressure.

Then put something on the wall by your bed. Something you will see each morning which will remind you to have a fantastic day. You can come up with whatever has meaning for you and will get you into a good state - rather than worrying how to survive work or cope without alcohol etc.

And then reward yourself! What can you do for yourself which is not harmful but would cause you to look forward to it?

Then just do it! You will feel great and like Helen Foster of Dare magazine you will find yourself drinking less thereafter and perhaps doing better in sports as she did.

And to help you do all this, order your copy of the Alcohol Free Social Life at:

www.alcoholfreesociallife.com/main

This is one of the biggest killers and fears people have if they imagine life either not drinking or just drinking smaller amounts than their friends.

 I remember a few months ago I was in a really loud bar. At the time there was also a lot of smoke which is now history in London. The point was that I asked myself - do the people who come here really want to be here with the really loud noise, it being really dark and uncomfortable and crowded, having to stand up. Do the people come here because they like it and they enjoy it - or do they come here because they think that this is what is cool, what fun is and if they didn’t they would be boring?

I think it is the peer pressure argument which prevails. However, the real truth is this - you are basically letting someone else dictate what you will or will not do, or what you think someone else thinks or likes to do. The same goes for drinking.

I am not say give up drinking but YOU decide how much or even if you will drink. Even if everyone else is having shots or more rounds. You have to make the decision that you are fun and enjoyable to be with regardless of how much or how little you drink!

You can find out how to do this at www.alcoholfreesociallife.com Get ready for the new redesign of the website. I do realise the previous design has been a little basic but the new one is groovy and is based on amongst others, the Cosmopolitan design!

Lindsay Lohan appears to have a major alcohol problem if a lot of the newspaper reports in the media are to be believed. There are stories of her being arrested, in rehab and a lot more besides. Obviously it is hard to know what is fact or fiction but what would I do if she came to me for advice? I think this advice could be relevant for a lot of people.

The first thing is medical. Get checked out by your GP and Medical Practitioner to check you do not have a physical addiction rather than a psychological one. There might also be medical reasons which may need treatment and someone in Lindsay’s situation should never avoid this.

However, I am guessing that the problem is more to do with psychological issues rather than physical. The first thing is to understand herself and her drinking. Work out very clearly when are the times she drinks and when specifically are the problems? I would ask her to fill in a Drinking Diary. What times over the last month or in an average week does she tend to drink? Are there specific problem times - i.e. can she drink during the week with no problems but it is weekends or maybe after a shoot etc?

Then going further, who was she with, how much did she drink each time. We can then work out if it is specific times and people where she feels she has to drink a lot for whatever reason.

Then, onto the reasons for drinking. Why does she drink? There is an excellent book which has a table of all the possible reasons she could drink. One of my Alcohol Free Social Life customers was drinking simply because he had nothing better to do. We would go specifically through the main problem times and see what the patterns were why she was drinking too much each time. Is it because she feels people will think her boring, or because she needs drink to relax or self-esteem issues? What exactly?

Then we would investigate the thoughts and reasoning behind this. So if she were to say, I go out to parties and people offer me drinks and I feel it would be rude to drink, we would redress this and ask her is this really true. Do you have to accept what other people offer you and would they really think you rude? Or are there other solutions e.g. avoiding these circumstances or dealing with them in a certain way.

We would do this for each of the reasons she lists why she has to drink. Then explore other activities she could do instead of drinking e.g. dancing, painting, meditating whatever she thinks will be exciting for her but which does not involve drink!

The other side is to work on her self-image and build her confidence in herself. Obviously she has confidence in herself when she acts, see some of her excellent performances. But what about her self-image and how she sees herself? I know I certainly had a lot of issues when I was drinking. So we would use some of the EFT exercises (the amazing acupuncture without the needles and tapping) as well as some powerful visualisation and self-esteem exercises which automatically get you feeling good as soon as your mind and body go into a negative state.

With all of this work, we would work to plan her next two or three weeks and do the first thing, which is what I completely forgot I need to ask her - what do you want? To stop drinking forever or be able to drink but drink and enjoy yourself without losing control etc.

It is this control and being able to enjoy yourself whatever the pressures and live life your own way which really make you happy and the Alcohol Free Social Life can do this for you right now! www.alcoholfreesociallife.com

I have heard said that many people who drink too much alcohol do this because they have a specific problem, issue or challenge in their life which they cannot deal with or cannot process.

So for me, a lot of the time was when I was made redundant. I suddenly had a lot of time on my hands and didn’t really know what to do. Plus there was the uncertainty as to what was I going to do next in terms of work and career and so on. Alcohol certainly gave me this certainty.

You can often point the real reason you drink so much to one or two areas. One of my Alcohol Free Social Life customers had an issue with one of their children. He didn’t put down the alcohol to that issue but I am guessing once it has been resolved, he will be in a better state altogether.

 So, I have a hypothesis. If you find and then deal with the underlying issue would you even need to drink as much? We could of course solely focus on the alcohol itself but would you not replace the alcohol with something else as a diversion?

The other thing is once you deal with the issues which take away a lot of your energy, you can learn to relax and enjoy your life more, hence not needing alcohol as a means of relaxation. Then drinking can become fun rather than a necessity to numb the pain!

Find out more at www.alcoholfreesociallife.com

Rahul

Welcome to this my first blog since setting up my alcoholfreesociallife.com website. I feel a bit nervous at writing this and would like to reach for a drink but I can’t! Or at least I have chosen not to.

5 years ago I basically stopped drinking alcohol forever. I was never an alcoholic and was not really drinking daily but I was starting to drink a few times per week, not being able to understand nor respect my limits and wasting the next day with hangovers!

At that time, I could not have believed that I could live without alcohol. I thought that drinking was absolutely essential to both having a good time and being able to relax.  Essentially I thought that it would be impossible to go out without having a drink.

The other main killer is peer pressure. All my friends drank (and still do) and I felt that this then put pressure on me to do the same. I think thinking that you might be boring and worse that others might think the same of you is one of the hardest things to deal with.

Now that I have stopped drinking, not only is this peer  pressure no longer a problem but I probably go out more to bars and clubs than I did before I stopped drinking and all my friends continue to drink. Also now in London, we have 24 hour drinking (theoretically) and since last week, all smoking is banned in bars and pubs.

Funnily enough, my first experience of going to a pub on the 4th July was to be carded and asked for ID. I didn’t have any ID with me so had to leave the pub! It is incredible everyone here is now checking for ID pretty seriously.

Anyway, if you have any questions please e-mail me at info@alcoholfreesociallife.com and be sure to check out my website with the free 5 Part Take Control of Alcohol Course www.alcoholfreesociallife.com