The Alcohol Free Social Life!

In this post I would like to focus on something few people talk about especially when it comes to how to change your life. Few people tend to focus on their strengths but rather on their weaknesses. If you are dealing with alcohol problems, it may also seem that you need to focus on your weaknesses.

Where are you having problems? What is wrong with you to do this etc. The problem with this approach is that it comes from a position of powerlessness, desperation and hopelessness – which will ultimately lead you back to drink.

But what if – you turned this around and focused on what are your strengths as a person and how can you use these strengths to help you control your drinking? This would put you in a position of excitement, hope and possibility- which is more likely to lead you to success.

So, what is a strength? Obviously we all have particular areas of expertise, some people are great at math, others at creative writing or cooking or design etc. That is not the kind of strength I am talking about. I am rather focusing on the qualities you have as a person.  Some of these are difficult to describe so I will turn to some experts for this.

The Gallup Organisation is a professional polling and surveying company – you may have heard of a Gallup poll.

They collected thousands and thousands of data points and did a lot of analysis to work out what were the common characteristics ‘or strengths’ across people – no matter  their age, culture or gender. From all this research, they identified 34 strengths or themes – such as analytical, discipline, input, learner, maximiser etc. http://tinyurl.com/38xnmq4

You need to buy the book and then use the code in the book to take the online multiplication test which will reveal to you, your Top 5 strengths. This is a unique combination which you can use to your advantage by structuring your day to build on your strengths and to use them to help you with your alcohol drinking.

Let me give you an example. One of my Top 5 strengths is competition. It is important for me to measure my progress against others and to win first place. One time I can remember this coming into play was over 10 years in a personal development seminar.

I remember hearing one woman telling another that the section on healthy eating was so-so and don’t worry about listening to it – she had been to the course before. Immediately this led my competitive instincts coming up – and I was determined to put everything there I learnt into practice – which led to me cutting out meat and eating more healthily.

The point is that situation was unique to me but if you can find out what your strengths are and then in the book, they give you some tips on how to apply this to your daily life, you can work out how you can use these tips to cut down your drinking.

You may have been using ineffective approaches to cut down your drinking whereas just changing your approach slightly to play to your strengths could have a major impact on you controlling your drinking once and for all.

One of the most common issues is that people drink too much alcohol because it is a habit. It is something they have been doing for so long that any other behaviour simply does not occur to them.One of the reasons is because ‘everyone else is doing it’. So if you are in a pub or bar with your friends and you have had a couple of drinks, everyone might decide, let’s have another one.

However that extra drink may be too much for you in terms of your health, weight, staying sober etc.Because all of your friends are agreeing to continue with this, you do also. This is a psychological principle called ’social proof’.

If you are unsure of how to behave in a situation, you look to those around you to make your decision. Similarly everyone else does the same - and as you continually do it, so drinking alcohol becomes a habit.One lady actually e-mailed me to say she had not been drinking for many weeks but suddenly felt an urge to drink when she saw her husband having a drink. Again part of this is habit - she may have been drinking for years together with her husband - so seeing her husband drinking ‘triggered’ her usual habits and so she felt the urge.

However, if she wants to change - and if you do also - you need to change your habits. So investigate when are you drinking - when is it because  you consciously want to and when do you just drink because you always do - e.g. if you go to see a band play do you habitually order a pint - again because everyone else is doing the same.If you can recognise your habits, you can start working on what you are going to do about them.

I received an e-mail this week from someone who has been a heavy binge-drinker for many years. He is a musician and is surrounded by social drinkers. He feels it very hard not to drink as when his band plays, they are inevitably in social arenas.He has been struggling with his wish to give up alcohol forever v thinking he should moderate.

He has had times where he has not drank anything in a long time, only to then relapse. He does not believe he can moderate so wants to give up forever. However, the pull of his social circle keeps him from giving himself a definitive answer.You might find yourself in a similar situation as to whether to become a moderate more careful drinker or to give up alcohol forever.

You might be looking at some of the obstacles to your choices rather than making a decision, a firm decision, and then working out how to achieve this.So, in the above example, if the musician decided he wanted to become a tee-totaller and was happy with this decision, he could then develop his own strategies or solutions on how to achieve this.

How to deal with the inevitable peer pressure, the feelings of guilt that he should be drinking, worries about him being boring or unable to handle being around drinkers etc.He needs to have made a decision first and then tackle these problems rather than trying to tackle these problems before making a decision.

Whatever decision you take, you will be tested so it is best to as firm as you can in your goal and decision so you can meet and pass all the tests that will be thrown at you.

Today I am going to point you to the Wiki How website and its page on giving up alcohol:

http://www.wikihow.com/Quit-Drinking-Alcohol

They have 23 Steps on how to quit drinking alcohol. Here are the Top 5:

1. Talk to your doctor. If you chose not to, bear in mind that alcohol withdrawal can potentially be deadly. If you start experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms (panic attacks, severe anxiety pressure you should seek immediate medical assistance. The condition could potentially deteriorate to deadly delerium tremens if left untreated. 

2. Change your attitude about quitting! Remember, you’re not being forced to give up a good friend who has treated you well. Instead, you are finally ridding yourself of an awful enemy who has robbed you of many great pleasures in life.

3. Constantly remind yourself of what a great thing you are doing and hold tightly to your quit. Remember that you are pardoning yourself from a life sentence in the prison of alcoholism and you will always hold the key. 

4. Try to pick some significant date to quit. Be ambitious, but reasonable. If you are very heavy drinker you must first slow down to avoid withdrawal symptoms (in this case it is best to have your doctor help you plan your quitting date).

5. Get rid of all bottles, cans, etc 

For the other steps please visit the web-page to get more information and start changing your relationship with alcohol. 

How can you meet new people without being sucked into drinking alcohol or being tempted in anyway. How do you know they will be cool and not moralistic or religious preachers trying to get you into their worldview?

There is one answer I have found. There is a website called meetup.com which is a website which has thousands of groups based around all kinds of hobbies and interests from movies to clubbing, theatre visits to art drawing. The choice is endless.

But for us, reading this blog, the most interesting category are the 46 groups spread around the world. They have a combined total of 5,659 members in 36 cities in 4 countries. Plus there are another 2,080 people interested in going to such groups.

Now these are not AA meetings or anything like that with formal discussions about not drinking but more like social events and in some cases even partying - but without the drinking.

You can find the list of groups which are in the US, Canada, the UK and Australia

http://nondrinker.meetup.com/

 There are 431 people in New York City in the Smart Party in NYC Without Alcohol - partying just without the drinking.

Or in Chicago if you are single, Alcohol-free Events for Singles 25-45 and for me in London, there is the The London Teetotalers (At least for 1 night) group with 406 Teetotallers. And the brand newest group comes from San Francisco, California for people in their mid 30s to mid 50s: San Francisco Fun Non-drinkers

There are already 121 people in this group and it only started in February 2010. Membership of most of these groups is free so go ahead if you live in the area join in and search the rest of the site to see if there is a group near you. If not, you can start one! There are people all over the world interested in joining so you can make it happen.

At the very least you will be able to be alcohol free and hopefully have a fun time as well as meet new people.

I have come across two main groups of people who have alcohol problems. One group needs and even wants to give up alcohol forever. They realise that even just one sip can lead to continued over-drinking and they cannot keep or stick to limits.

Another group is the opposite and wants to enjoy drinking alcohol but just not to overdo it - i.e. to moderate their drinking and stay in control.

If you are in this group, then I would like to refer you to the HAMS website - Harm Reduction For Alcohol. They have a Moderate Drinking Cheat Sheet with 14 strategies for controlling your drinking.

The Strategies:

1. Eat before you drink
2. Be well hydrated
3. Plan and schedule your drinking
4. Plan your transportation
5. Choose your buzz
6. Measure your drinks
7. Count and chart your drinks
8. Pace your drinks
9. Alternate your drinks
10. Choose your drinks
11. Avoid pre-drinking
12. Avoid drinking when you feel bad
13. Have a snack instead
14. Do an abstinence period
15. Get support

The web-page goes into more detail for each point with some specific advice on how to achieve moderation so you can still enjoy drinking without going overboard. Please go here for more information:

http://hamsnetwork.org/mods/

Reviewing it again, there is some good information on this page for each point with some handy tips so please review once more for you to control your drinking.

Now you may have decided to give up alcohol for some period of time and as someone who now no longer drinks alcohol you might be wondering what to drink when you go out with your friends to a bar or club.

There are the perennial favourites- coke/pepsi or lemonade. However your teeth can really start to feel it after a few of these plus you might want to consider healthier options. And one of them is alcohol free cocktails.

I first thought about this when I wanted to go to a Chiquitos restaurant in London. This is a chain of Mexican style food joints. They are mid-range level so not the cheapest and not the most exclusive of places but quite nice.

I was looking at their menu and noticed firstly on their drinks menu they had a whole section on alcohol free cocktails but also they were half the price of normal cocktails. Everything from the Cancun Sunset - Apple juice and grapefruit juice with grenadine to Playa del Paradiso - cranberry, passionfruit, pineapple and grapefruit juices with lemonade.

Then when I went to a really funky bar in the City district of London, the bartender made an amazing alcohol free cocktail using 7 or 8 different ingredients, shaking it etc. It tasted awesome.

The great thing also if you order alcohol free cocktails, no one will even know that they have no alcohol so you are saved from questions about why you are not drinking etc.

If you however want to make your own alcohol free cocktails at home or for your own parties, here are some delicious recipes:

http://alturl.com/7mom

So, on top of alcohol free beers - most bars in London I goto now offer at least one alcohol free beer, alcohol free cocktails offer a great alternative to coke and other drinks. Plus they help you get your share of 5 fruit and vegetable servings a day!

Today, I would like to point you out to a great website called www.giveupdrinking.co.uk

They have a focus on 50 ways to leave your lager and a lot of great free information and tips on being able to cut down on drinking.

Here are their suggestions on what to do if you want to completely cut out alcohol but are finding it difficult:

Getting professional help
Detox
Use prescribed drugs
Try herbal treatments
Complementary therapies
Rehabilitation and residential treatment centres
Take a blood test
Enlist the help of friends and family
Let prescribed medications take effect
Are stress and anxiety some of your triggers?
Join Alcoholics Anonymous
Buy some self-help books
Don’t isolate yourself – get help in the index

Some of these suggestions are straightforward whereas others might be new to you. You can find more detail about each of these points at the following link:

http://giveupdrinking.co.uk/helptogiveupdrinking.php

Although some of the advice is UK based the principles of course apply worldwide so it is worth looking at. There are also other sections on just cutting down, addressing and admitting your problem and then starting to think positively to gain control of your life.

I would like to introduce you to a fantastic free resource you can download and start using right away. The best thing about it is that is a research based approach from the National Institute on Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse (NIAAA) in America.

I read recently in the LA Times newspaper that according to the research many people can actually cut back their drinking on their own and that only a small percentage of people fit the profile of a traditional ‘alcoholic’ and that are many degrees of drinking. The article quoted research done by the NIAAA.

 I then visited the NIAAA’s website and found a fantastic resource I wanted to introduce you to called ‘Rethinking Drinking’ . It is a 20 page pdf document which has two sections including :

How much is too much?

Thinking about a change?

The document is written in clear English without too much technical jargon and helps you take a step by step approach to making new choices. There are a lot of exercises, resources and surveys in the 20 page pdf to help you start making changes with alcohol now. You can download the document here:

http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/RethinkingDrinking/Rethinking_Drinking.pdf

It covers the impact alcohol is having on you, how much you are drinking and then includes resources like drinking tracker cards and working out what your triggers are etc.

How are you? Hope you had a great Christmas and New Year’s celebrations. Hopefully you didn’t overdo it on the drinking.

If you did or want to cut down, here are some great tips from Time Out London magazine. They had an article for Christmas 2009 edition entitled London’s Hidden Drinking Problem.

Unfortunately I don’t have a web link to the article so I will have to quote some of the key findings and suggestions. Actually the article is really detailed and has a lot of great quotes and information about the rise not just of drinking but also the type of drinking -a  lot of drinking is done at home and there has been a switch from beer to wine etc.

So, let’s focus on Time Out’s 12 steps to drinking less:

1. Cut down gradually

2. Replace booze with exercise of a new hobby

3. Don’t drink alone or when anxious or depressed

4. Aim for three booze-free days a week

5. Change your routine - ditch the TV, get up earlier

6. At least try alcohol free beer

7. Keep an eye on it with a drink diary

8. Avoid drinking in rounds

9. Eat liver-cleansing foods such as quinoe and couscous

10. Accept you’ll see changes in your sleeping pattern

11. Be prepared for sabotage from friends and family

12. Don’t punish yourself if you relapse a bit.

 The full article is available in the December 31st to January 6 2010 edition but it is well worth looking at these tips and how you can use them in your own life.